Sweet Lament
by yra
Summary: Thinking of those who have gone...
1. For What Could Have Been

_Disclaimer: I do not own Ayashi no Ceres, nor do I own the song Tears in Heaven. If I did, I would actually have money._

_A/N: It's sad, folks. This is what happens to singles on Valentine's day. Hope you enjoy it. I will probably add other chapters of other laments from other people later._

For What Could Have Been

"Hey, kid."

He smiled down at her.

"I know it's been awhile, so I thought I'd come by for a visit."

_…Would you know my name…_

_…If I saw you in heaven…_

"I thought you might want to hear the news. We've got a couple new babies in the house! Twins, this time! Isn't that great? One boy, and one girl. It took Aya and Toya nine months and two days to decide on names. We almost got to see a divorce, or a homicide."

Girlish laughter tingled in his ears, and he laughed too.

"Suzumi, Mrs. Q, and I have learned by now to get the hell out of the way when those two go at it. Aya wanted to name the boy after Toya, while he wanted to name the girl after Aya. Stupid fight, huh? Well, after twelve hours of labor, the nurse laid those babies in Aya's arms, and she said, 'Shuro and Kei.' You should have seen the looks on the nurses' faces! For some reason they don't believe that the dead singers from GiSeng were our dear friends.

"Of course, at the rate Aya and Toya are going, they'll have enough babies to make up for everyone who died. It only took them three pregnancies to get to your name."

"See? I'm not the only one missing you."

…_Would it be the same…_

_…If I saw you in heaven…_

"Well, there it is. The real reason I'm here. The real reason I haven't been around for awhile. I keep thinking that if I don't come around, it won't hurt so much. But I always come back, don't I? I guess I finally know what you went through, standing always at the ready to catch someone, knowing you can never really hold them."

_…I must be strong…_

_…And carry on…_

_…Cause I know I don't belong…_

_…Here in heaven…_

He tipped his head back to look up.

"You can see me from up there, can't you? You finally get to look down on someone. Must be a nice chance. You were always looking up to me, but I guess I never really saw you, until…

"I spent so much time chasing after Aya, never holding back, desperate to take her from Toya. And you helped me. I though it was because you were her friend, and you thought Toya wasn't good for her. But you… you just wanted me to be happy. You were so much stronger than me, hiding in the shadows, willing to give up everything for me."

"I'm so sorry."

_…Would you hold my hand…_

_…If I saw you in heaven…_

Lifting his hand, he touched the band around his forehead.

"You made this for me, poured your whole heart into it, to keep me safe. I bet you wouldn't have said anything, either. You would have let me believe it was all Suzumi, you would have let me believe only Aya was so powerful, while you stood quietly on the sidelines, watching over me.

"And I couldn't protect you."

_…Would you help me stand…_

_…If I saw you in heaven…_

"Aya is the only C-Genome left standing. I'm not all that surprised. Ten'nyo weren't made for Earth. All any of them ever wanted was to go home, and they all finally got their wish. Except the one who tried to stay.

"You didn't run with the rest of the human race. You soared over our heads, and now I know, you were too high for me to touch. I'm lucky you even stooped low enough to brush my life, and I just brushed you aside.

"I know, now I know, you were more than I ever realized. You were heavenly. And for just a second, as you tried to tell me everything I had been too blind to see, I knew what that felt like."

_…I'll find my way…_

_…Through night and day…_

_…Because I know I just can't stay…_

_…Here in heaven…_

"You slipped through my fingers, just when I realized I should hold on to you as tight as I could. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling, your body getting colder and colder against mine, your breath soft on my neck, your heart beat against my back slowing. I felt like our hearts were tied together. When yours stopped, I thought mine would, too.

"Sometimes I wish it had."

_…Time can bring you down…_

_…Time can bend your knees…_

He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"It's been a rough road without you to hold my hand. Watching over me isn't enough. I want you to come back. Stoop down just one more time, and this time I promise, I won't be so blind. I won't make you wait for me. I'll be ready for you.

"Please. Just for a second.

"I finally want to hear you say it."

_…Time can break your heart…_

_…Have you begging please…_

_…Begging please…_

On his knees, he laid his cheek against cold stone. "Please. I'm sorry. I'll do anything if you'll come back!"

The silence was deafening. Pressing both hands against the stone, he moaned. "I was stupid. But I've changed so much. So just come back, and I'll make it right. I promise."

The wind stirred his hair, and he felt something brush against his cheek. Just a soft, warm touch, almost like…

"Are you here?"

Again, innocent, sweet laughter filled his heart. Slowly, his grip on the grey stone loosened. He looked around, then up into the clear sky.

"No. You don't have to be here anymore. You're free now, free from pain, free from everything… From my stupid blindness. And," he smiled, "I'm happy for you."

_…Beyond the door…_

_…There's peace I'm sure…_

_…And I know there'll be no more…_

_…Tears in heaven…_

He used the stone to push himself up, and drew in a deep breath.

"I have to go. Toya is getting weaker, and Aya needs help sometimes. I'm not going to be back for awhile. I can't… I can't come here so much. It doesn't help. Besides, I know you're not really here. You're there, where you belong."

He patted the stone gently. "Hey, just one more thing. Could you… I know I'm being selfish, but… would you wait for me?"

_…Would you know my name…_

_…If I saw you in heaven…_

"I understand if you won't, but… I'd just really like, when I lay down to die, to open my eyes and see your face smiling at me. So, please, just wait for me in heaven."

_…I must be strong…_

_…And carry on…_

_…Cause I know I don't belong…_

He turned towards the gates, and began to walk away. But deep in his heart, he heard an echo of a sweet voice.

"You know that I… that I've always…"

Yuhi paused, and smiled again at the gravestone. He didn't know what was harder to live with. Knowing that she always had…

"I know. I love you too, Chidori."

Or knowing that he always would.

"Goodbye."

_…Here in heaven…_


	2. For Who We Were

_Disclaimer: See Chapter 1_

_A/N: Thanks to Jyde and __X Belles Reminisce for reviewing the first chapter.__This one is shorter, but just as sad. In fact, to me, it is sadder. What could be worse than loosing a sibling?_

For Who We Were 

How can grief teach you to hate such commonplace things?

Mirrors.

Every mirror they own, in their living room, bedroom, bathroom, she covers them all. A carelessly tossed towel here, a well draped scarf there, a cluster of pictures taped to the glass, and she does not have to see her own reflection.

But sometimes a scarf slips. Sometimes a picture falls. Sometimes she just needs to look, to reopen the festering wound and clean it out in hopes that this time it can finally heal properly.

Her fingers tremble as she grasps the towel and pulls. It tumbles carelessly aside, and she is staring at her hated reflection.

Leaning in close, she can see, in every feature, every line, every tiny mark, who she is. A wife, happily married to the only man she ever loved. A mother, harassed and prodded and blissful with her beautiful children. A friend, on the phone, helping set the table, still not allowed in the kitchen, talking, laughing. Even a daughter, caring for her widowed mother, bringing the life and joy back into her eyes.

And more. A nurse, an assistant, a teacher, a PTA member, a gardener, a painter, a dog owner… So much to be happy for.

She is happy. Life is peaceful again, and hardship has made the sky bluer, the trees greener, the friends dearer, her husband more beautiful, and the children so very precious. Everything is as close to perfect as a woman could expect.

But if she takes a step back from the mirror, and puts every feature together, she can see what she is no longer. A child, an innocent, a boy-crazy teenager, a superficial fashion follower…

A twin.

Big brown eyes stare into her own, just like they did every day of her life until her sixteenth birthday. The same blonde hair, the same nose, the same chin, the same smile, the same laugh.

How can you learn to live without something you have always had? Even before they were born, they were together. They fought, they laughed, they shared the same friends. Sometimes they even shared the same thoughts. When she was scared of the dark as a child, he crept from his room, crawled into bed beside her, and held her hand. When he fell and broke his arm in third grade, her own had ached for two hours before she had heard of his accident.

Who else, in all the world, in a different store, without any way of knowing what she was buying, would have bought the _exact same_ earrings for their birthday? Who else knew her so well they didn't have to speak?

She lifts her hand, pressing it palm to palm with her reflection. The last night they had truly been together, their souls their own, they held hands until they fell asleep, clinging to each other in the dark. But when her fingers curl now, they meet, and she holds nothing.

Hastily grabbing the towel, she throws it desperately over the glass. But a flash of those brown eyes, reddened and swollen from tears, fells her. She crouches there on the bathroom floor, a fearful child reaching for the hand that will never be there again.

How can one heart go on alone, when it has always beaten with another? How can she look at a face that has always had a living reflection, knowing she will need a mirror for the rest of her days for even a cold facsimile of him? How can she wake up every morning and know he will not share her sunrise, her memories, her laughter and tears?

How can she live without him?

Rising, she pushes away a corner, just enough to see those eyes.

"How could you abandon me? Oh, Aki."

A knock on the door.

"Aya? Is everything okay?"

She turns on the water in the sink, splashing her face.

"I'm okay, Toya."

A lie, and he knows it. But this is one thing they cannot share, and after this gentle approach, she is grateful to hear him retreat.

She uses a different towel to pat her face dry, afraid to disturb the cover and unleash the terrible power of her reflection. She runs a brush through her hair, blows her nose, and straightens her shirt. She has become a master at tidying herself without a mirror.

She turns out the lights as she leaves, and does not look back. It was foolish to slice open the wound again. Better to just leave it, and ignore the build up of grief, rage, and betrayal. It is a wound that will never heal.

How can a heart live, when half of it is dead?


End file.
